SETTING WISE BOUNDARIES| FINDING YOUR VOICE|

In an age of TRPs and stars, it is difficult to practice freedom of expression, without being judged. Recently, when I met some friends and industry colleagues, we resonated on the same thought, life is more than following the cheese!! It is more about finding your voice and expressing the same with your tribe. The voice also needs a holy grail to become more resolute. Thus setting wise boundaries for whatever we desire in life, without being caught in the web of fear and judgment is advisable.

From the onset of civilization we are social creatures, craving for connections, thriving on herd mentality and seeking solace with each other. Our survival has been dependent on this power of togetherness. Since ancient times you are either accepted or ousted by the tribe. This hard-wired brain continues to adhere to the tribe guidelines, while we continue to struggle with our inner voice.

Our brain mostly says, “Let’s do whatever keeps the tribe happy. Let’s do whatever we need to, to be part of the gang.” Most of the time that looks like reluctant acceptance, going along to get along, and doing whatever we can to “not rock the boat. Finding a balance between People Pleasing, listening to an inner voice, and setting reasonable boundaries has become a need to live your full potential.

We are groomed from our childhood to understand the rules and norms of the herd and to follow the same. However, we are barely taught how we need to hone the inner voice and strategize the wise boundaries, to enjoy every facet of life. In our professional and personal life creating these healthy boundaries can go a long way to protect our values- beliefs and outcomes. Sometimes the surrounding thinking -perceptions -comments or even judgments cloud our voice-mind -brain so much that it can negatively influence our wellbeing.

In fact, research on Herd Mentality reveals, a behavior that is consistent among many species — that is, making decisions based upon the actions of others. Researchers discovered that it takes a minority five percent to influence a crowd’s direction — and that the other 95 percent follow without realizing it.

Caregivers, teachers, coaches, and parents are the first tribe seniors who influence this making of the herd mindset. It is time we start supporting the power of the inner voice, and facilitate a balance that is first attribute for excellence.

6 Simple ways to balance between the herd norms, and inner voice :

1. Awareness of One’s Values & Beliefs: Value systems vary from person to person, thus comparing notes may not be helpful at all times. These personal values and beliefs also need to be revisited from time to time …as with time and experience, our outlook towards life also changes. To create a happy & harmonious space, it’s helpful to revisit what is below the iceberg.
2. Refrain from Comparisons -Our otherwise fulfilling life can start looking at a lost profit and loss account when we keep comparing with others, without counting our blessings which cannot be quantified.
3. Step out of Guilt -Looking at the past with a sense of guilt for what has been missed is common self-sabotage. Thus the best way to redeem past mistakes is to start a new chapter on our terms.
4. Questioning Your choices – We often make choices blindly and then brood over the same. It’s time to watch your boundaries and reasons while making choices that don’t align with your values-beliefs and principles.
5. Create Wise Boundaries -Boundaries are inner preferences thus we need no endorsement to design them. Boundary work starts by addressing our issues. And as the inner work is done and healing occurs, it organically flows into changed outer behaviors, habits, and choices. We can be empowered to have loving and compassionate conversations that build bridges of connection rather than walls of isolation. This also helps others understand us better.
6. Knowing your needs – Do you know your needs? Occasionally we think of what we truly want in our lives. For example, if you are a parent who wants to give the best to the child …Start by thinking of what a “good” parent would do for their child. What needs do they help their child remember to meet? etc. For each need, you could ask yourself 5 why questions or kanbanize

How do you say ‘no’? How important is it to please others? How do you want to build a balance with boundaries-coexisting with others? Are your decisions based on your herd choices? Do share with us your perspectives.